So in light of this fact, I encourage you this Halloween to be an engaged bystander to help prevent rape and sexual assault. What is a bystander? A bystander is a witness to a situation. Oftentimes as a bystander we stand by when we see something developing because we don't know what to do or think that someone else will step in. If you ever come across a situation where you think that someone should step in, don't wait, be that person.
Bystander Intervention
How do you step in? Be aware of your own safety first and foremost. Then use one or all of the three D's:
- Direct: Sometimes just doing a simple check-in with someone can be effective by asking "Are you ok right now?" or stopping them, defining what you are seeing, and naming why you are intervening. "Hey, she's too drunk to make any decisions, let's go get her friends to take care of her".
- Delegate: If you don't feel that you are the best person to intervene, find someone who is. Not hope that that person will instinctively know that they are needed... go and get them. Find the friends of the person in danger to assist or if you are at a club, find a security officer and explain the situation to them. If the first person you delegate too does nothing, find someone else!
- Distract: Use a distraction or redirect attention away from the developing situation. Pull the person away saying that someone else needs to talk to them, do a tap dance, or start reciting lines from the Princess Bride. Don't overthink what you need to do to intervene, just go with your gut and do it!
Also, as we all prepare ourselves for Halloween, it is a great time to talk about consent and of how alcohol can contribute to sexual violence.
Consent
What is consent? Consent means agreeing to something, and that the person agreeing is doing that of their own free will. Consent is saying yes to each and every step of the activity both in words and actions. Many people see consenting to sexual activity as an “all or nothing” situation, and that is not the case; it is a continual process. Just because you consent some sexual activity does not mean that you consent to all activity. You are entitled to withdraw your consent at any time.
Sometimes in order to understand what consent is, we need to look at what consent isn’t. Lack of consent can be verbal (saying no) but it can also be expressed through actions (pushing away, crying, becoming silent, not fully participating). Giving in because of fear is not consent.
There are also times when a person cannot consent to any sexual activity. If a person is impaired by drugs or alcohol, they are not in a position to consent.
Alcohol use is frequently associated with rape. 26% of the men who acknowledged committing sexual assault on a date reported being intoxicated at the time of the assault. An additional 29% reported being “mildly buzzed”. 21% of the college women who were sexually assaulted on a date were intoxicated at the time of the assault. An additional 32% report being “mildly buzzed”. Alcohol is also used to facilitate rape. 21% of college men reported using alcohol and/or drugs as a means of coercion to intentionally impair their victims.
FOR MEN, ALCOHOL MIGHT CAUSE YOU TO:
-Feel more social, confident and attractive.
-Misinterpret a variety of verbal and nonverbal cues as evidence that someone is interested in having sex with you.
-Misperceive a compliment, friendliness, physical contact, what a women is wearing, a woman going to your room or somewhere secluded with you, and even drinking, as a woman’s desire to have sex with you.
-Ignore what a woman is doing or saying that shows that she is not interested in sex.
-Feel justified in forcing sex on a woman who, you believe, has been “leading you on”.
Sexual provocation, whether intentional or not, is not justification for rape: sex with someone who doesn’t give consent or is unable to give consent (ei. Drunk) is rape.
FOR WOMEN, ALCOHOL MIGHT CAUSE YOU TO:
-Ignore or miss cues that would help you evaluate your safety.
-Be seen as more willing to have sex than someone who is not drinking.
-Not notice attempts to isolate you as a way to facilitate an assault.
-Be encouraged to drink by a man as a way to facilitate an assault.
-Unsuccessfully resist an assault, either verbally or physically.
-Be perceived as partially responsible for what happened, due to stereotypes.
Nonetheless, if a person who has been drinking is raped, the rape is NEVER the victim’s fault. Rape is always the responsibility of the rapist.
So, ghosts and ghouls, be safe this Halloween and help make those around you safer as well.
