Self-Care Tuesdays- The Emotional Rollercoaster of Being Present

It is the last few days of the Utah 2014 Legislative Session.  It is a frustrating time.... and an amazingly wonderful time.  In our successes we can list the swift passing of HB157 Rape Kit Processing Amendments.  In our hopeful future successes category we have the HB71 Distribution of Personal Images (the Revenge Porn bill) and HB286 Child Sexual Abuse Prevention bill.  The fact that any of these bills is being discussed is a progressive move, but the conversations and rape myths voiced during them can be very stressful and frustrating from an advocate standpoint. 

The training that UCASA staff routinely does is stressful in this same way.  We are constantly having conversations about privilege, rape myths, victims' rights....and we take alot of heat.  Trainings feel like emotional rollercoasters on most days.  And like advocates whose job it is to support and offer resources, it means that we are the recipients of alot of anger and venting....something that we can't give back to the person yelling at us.  It is the price of the work that we do, and a price of being present in the situation.  So, how do you move that negative energy through?  Here's some ideas:

1. Breaks.....breaks....and more breaks:  Step away from the situation for a moment.  Take a quick walk, stretch, move your body in some way.  It will allow you to recenter and refocus.  A two-to-five minute break from your desk, office, or training room can make a huge difference.

2. Shift the focus: Even though it feels like everything is being directed at you.  It isn't.  Not really in the way that you are taking it.  Legitimately, this is a situation where it isn't about you.  You're watching someone be challenged.  Appreciate the learning moment that you are now a part of.

3. Remember that this is a process:  We can't switch on and off.  Sometimes it is harder to shake the emotions off from a situation than it would be on other days.  Some days nothing bothers us.  Sometimes we feel completely disconnected....or connected too much.  Give yourself some room to let it go.

What types of things do you regularly do to move energy through?

Self-Care Tuesdays- Finding the Beauty in Everything

Yesterday, UCASA was given tickets to see a screening of the Sundance documentary Private Violence.  For many of us in the audience we were inspired to see a film that authentically showed the struggles, defeats, and successes that advocates face everyday.  But also....for many of us in the audience, we were emotionally triggered by the realism and the content of the film.  After watching this film, I (this is the Debbie, the Outreach Coordinator writing by the way) tried to go through the rest of my holiday off as if everything was normal.  In hindsight, it wasn't.  Later in the evening, I went to the opera with my best friend.  Rather than allowing myself to enjoy the opera, I spent the two intermissions complaining about the manipulative, controlling and otherwise abusive behaviors of the main character's love interest.  While I'm sure that there is a place to dissect Verdi's opera La Travitia through a feminist lens, the time was NOT during those intermissions.  Instead of allowing myself a nice night out, I had turned the opera into a domestic violence case examination.  Luckily, my companion for the evening is incredibly understanding and is an invaluable part of my support system.  More importantly, she is still speaking to me after my ruining the evening.

Why am I relating this story? One, I am human. Two, like everyone else, I struggle with the unintended consequences of the work that we do.  I was unable to let go.  I was allowing my pessimism to rule me.  And worst of all, I had neglected my own self-care.

Rather than focusing on the "what-I-should-have-done's rolling around in my head, I want to give you all some insight on what I am doing now, today, at this very moment...  First of all, I'm recognizing that I can't go back and save yesterday.  I am recognizing where I had been triggered and didn't allow myself adequate time to process and work through the events of yesterday morning.  I am also recognizing how not doing that affected the rest of my day. 
I am owning all of that.

The result?

I feel like I can breathe.
I feel like I can find the beauty in everything again.
Rather than seeing just the pain of a survivor (Or of Verdi's Violetta), today I can see their strength, their resiliency, their ability to thrive.  I see hope.  It is almost blinding in its brilliance.

I may still feel a little raw and weepy, but I know why I feel that way.  We can't flip a switch and be instantly better- self care is a process.  What skills have you developed to help yourself in this process?  How do you allow yourself to see the beauty in the world again?