Self-Care Tuesdays- Finding the Beauty in Everything

Yesterday, UCASA was given tickets to see a screening of the Sundance documentary Private Violence.  For many of us in the audience we were inspired to see a film that authentically showed the struggles, defeats, and successes that advocates face everyday.  But also....for many of us in the audience, we were emotionally triggered by the realism and the content of the film.  After watching this film, I (this is the Debbie, the Outreach Coordinator writing by the way) tried to go through the rest of my holiday off as if everything was normal.  In hindsight, it wasn't.  Later in the evening, I went to the opera with my best friend.  Rather than allowing myself to enjoy the opera, I spent the two intermissions complaining about the manipulative, controlling and otherwise abusive behaviors of the main character's love interest.  While I'm sure that there is a place to dissect Verdi's opera La Travitia through a feminist lens, the time was NOT during those intermissions.  Instead of allowing myself a nice night out, I had turned the opera into a domestic violence case examination.  Luckily, my companion for the evening is incredibly understanding and is an invaluable part of my support system.  More importantly, she is still speaking to me after my ruining the evening.

Why am I relating this story? One, I am human. Two, like everyone else, I struggle with the unintended consequences of the work that we do.  I was unable to let go.  I was allowing my pessimism to rule me.  And worst of all, I had neglected my own self-care.

Rather than focusing on the "what-I-should-have-done's rolling around in my head, I want to give you all some insight on what I am doing now, today, at this very moment...  First of all, I'm recognizing that I can't go back and save yesterday.  I am recognizing where I had been triggered and didn't allow myself adequate time to process and work through the events of yesterday morning.  I am also recognizing how not doing that affected the rest of my day. 
I am owning all of that.

The result?

I feel like I can breathe.
I feel like I can find the beauty in everything again.
Rather than seeing just the pain of a survivor (Or of Verdi's Violetta), today I can see their strength, their resiliency, their ability to thrive.  I see hope.  It is almost blinding in its brilliance.

I may still feel a little raw and weepy, but I know why I feel that way.  We can't flip a switch and be instantly better- self care is a process.  What skills have you developed to help yourself in this process?  How do you allow yourself to see the beauty in the world again?